Percaya.
Permintaan.
Melepaskan itu tak semudah mengungkapkan. Tuhan.. minta pinjamkan aku eratnya pelukan. *nangis*
Lukisan malam.
“Indah, tetapnya malam ini aku masih melihat wajahmu, sepertinya riang itu milikku dan dalam ceria warna itu, kau seperti sebuah lukisan yang tiada tandingan."
Pathetic.
I wrote these pieces few months back for my future other half because i believe someone will come along the way. how pathetic i am. then i changed my mind, i told myself don't get attached to anyone. again. but right now i really need something to rely on. i'm sick of this lonely air.
Tuhan, kirimkan aku kekasih yang baik hati. Ya ? Aamiin.
Hello.
Hello. Tetiba rasa nak menulis dekat sini tapi banyak rasa malas. That's my biggest problem. So just bagi key point jelah.
1) Baru naik sem baru. Tengah unpacking all my stuff.
2) Am not going out for practicum this semester.
3) Taking two subjects this semester. I thought only got two classes in a week and i will be able to go back to my parent's every week but, four classes. Still, i will stick to the plan. No excuse for that.
4) Just met this one girl, and she's a stranger. Came to us, with no smile in her face and as soon as we started to talk, we know she got a problem. She told us her story from the beginning as she started to cry so hard. I was all quiet, speechless, because i don't know how to comfort her, what i've got only these arms of mine, held her tight, let her cry in these fucking arms and whispered to not to give up now because the future always holds something better but hell no, i just kept staring at that poor girl. You know what, it's all because the word of FRIENDSHIP that broke her that much.
1) Baru naik sem baru. Tengah unpacking all my stuff.
2) Am not going out for practicum this semester.
3) Taking two subjects this semester. I thought only got two classes in a week and i will be able to go back to my parent's every week but, four classes. Still, i will stick to the plan. No excuse for that.
4) Just met this one girl, and she's a stranger. Came to us, with no smile in her face and as soon as we started to talk, we know she got a problem. She told us her story from the beginning as she started to cry so hard. I was all quiet, speechless, because i don't know how to comfort her, what i've got only these arms of mine, held her tight, let her cry in these fucking arms and whispered to not to give up now because the future always holds something better but hell no, i just kept staring at that poor girl. You know what, it's all because the word of FRIENDSHIP that broke her that much.
5) Feeling a bit sad because it's going to be Elly and me, dekat rumah nie. Sorang keluar practicum, dua orang defer. Sunyi gila nak mati.
6) Rindu Umie Baba. dan adik.
Itu saja dulu. Bye.
Lies - Marina and the Diamond
You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake, you're a coward 'til the end.
Misleading
*holding a picture of polluted beach during pre-stage*
-- Okay student, where is this ?
-- Beach !
-- What can you see in this picture ?
-- Rubbish !
-- Who did this ?
-- Bitch !
Haih lah lil' monkeys.
exhausted.
I love it when every time i talk on the phone, people would say " you sounds so tired". Because i am. I am goddamn bloody tired.
* I haven't showered not eaten my brunch, woke up and back to the work place (read : study table)
* I haven't showered not eaten my brunch, woke up and back to the work place (read : study table)
Spark.
When we settle for the things we don't deserve, we're not only ruining ourselves, we're robbing our future of true love. Love gets lost when feelings are forced, and love already has enough detours that we don't need to make any more wrong turns. Allow love to happen naturally and unexpectedly even if it takes longer than planned. Trust me, the spark between two humans does exist. Let it happen.You can't always be in control. You can't just give love a date and time, and expect it show up at your doorstep. Love doesn't happen that way. Love will show up when it's ready and most importantly when it's real.
Flip-flop.
I am done trying to prove myself. I no longer need to impress anyone or go out of my way to constantly explain myself to some one who doesn't care enough to want to understand me. There is a lot of stress that comes along with someone not accepting who you are.If you don't understand by now what loyalty and honesty are, especially when i take my time to try and teach you, I'm sorry, but you aren't worth my time. I don't need a lack of love, i need lots of it. I don't need someone who smiles in my face , then talk behind my back.I don't need people who bring me down. I need people who lift me higher and bring out the best in me. Even if i have a love in my heart for you, if you treat me poorly i no longer have time for you. If you're mad at me, communicate with me, not others, and let's fix this. The people who really rock with me know that my intentions are always pure. As for all the other flip-flopping people.... Well, they could go befriend somebody else.
P/s : hectic semester ever.
P/s : hectic semester ever.
Applause.
Let's keep it real for a minute. You can cheat on me, as easily as i can cheat on you. In this generation, that's the easiest shit to do. Doesn't take nothing but a "DM", and they don't even care if they see me posted up in a picture with you. However, being open up, and true is what i decided to be when i committed myself to you. So, let's keep it really real. This is what i'm asking from you. If at some point in time i'm not fulfilling your needs, let me know. Give me the option to decide whether i want to stay and try, or do what's best for me, even if that means to let it go. Don't let your selfish ways, get in the way of doing what's right. Because no matter how you paint it, cheating is never alright....
The chase.
Most people have a hard time finding what they're looking for in someone. Because a majority of the time, they're always looking for it in a person who isn't looking for them. As humans, we find allure in the things that seems hard to get. We love "the chase". Only to find out later you've wasted hours, weeks, sometimes even months chasing someone who can't even begin to appreciate you, or the type of love you're offering. Being mature is not just about paying your bills, or being independent. It's also about respecting your love, respecting your time, and respecting what you bring to the table enough to know that you're too grown, and have way too much to offer for you to have to chase anyone worth experience that.
Sparkle.
A diamond doesn't lose its value because someone stopped appreciating it, or admiring the rarity of its beautiful sparkle. Neither does your love when he stops appreciating you. Remember, not everyone can offered a diamond. That's why they made cubic zirconia.
Not everyone can afford something real. You gotta be okay with that. Remember this, in those moments when you're looking at someone who cheated on you with a person who can't compete with you on your worst day.... Don't let something like that have you questioning the quality of your love. Don't strip away your value by lowering your standards to meet someone else's phony ass excuse what love should be. Keep your head up, and keep it moving.
*cubic zirconia : fake inexpensive diamond.
Against ?
What they say is indeed true, you realise the value of the ones around you only when they leave. The instant you realise that you no longer can be with all those beloved friends of yours who is just as good as family, that is when you realise how much you love them and how much you care for them. You never knew that you were so dependent on them until one fine day, when they were all taken away from you. At that moment, you just wish you could have them all back and you are ready to do anything to have them back. But fate is a cruel thing. It plays around with your emotions and always drops obstacles in your path to hinder you from having what you want. Can we fight fate and have what we want?
Cerita kampungan.
They all are going to judge you anyway, whether you are thin or fat, whether you are fair or not, whether your dressing sense is fashionable or not, whether you have class or not, whether your hair is messy or not, whether you are pompous or not, whether you are friendly or not, whether you are helpful or not and the list goes on and on for every girl out there and no matter how hard we try to portray our best, at the end of the day, they all have judged you at least once with regard to something, so why put in so much effort to impress people with such a mindset? Might as well be ourselves and be the person we want to be no matter what that looks likes to the eyes of this world for each one of us have our own lives and it would be in everyone’s best interest to simply focus on what needs to be focused on and keep our noses out of everyone else’s business.
Why is that it is always expected of girls to dress to impress? Okay not always, but there are many occasions when I have been faced with such situations which has made me feel very inadequate about myself and my sense of uncoordinated dressing for everyone around me looked like divas right out of a photo shoot for some modelling magazine and there I was, looking like I had just come after a wrestling session with a bunch of rhinos in the wild.
I admit, there are situations when you need to dress appropriately and I guess even I make an effort during such times except that there are many more females like me out there who miserably fail to pull off something with elegance like everyone else and then we just end up making a fool out of ourselves which is why we either avoid the entire event completely or even if we decide to face it, we be ourselves for simply trying to match up to the standards of whatever is going is not our cup of tea at times. And then there are times when we simply cannot look refined in anything because we are blessed with the “clumsy” genes that is never going to leave our side for eternity and the best we can do is try not to speak with our mouths full.
I am a talking-walking example of someone who has a totally different sense of fashion and all that but never actually had the opportunity to dress in the manner I wanted to and then never could pull off something stylish with anything I owned for I was just too clumsy and almost every item of clothing I own happen to have a stain of some sort be it a pen mark or a curry stain but a stain it is and to end this flattering description of myself I would simply like to mention the ever-so-messy and weird hair of mine which obviously looks picture perfect when I am about to sleep and looks like a witch blessed me with the hair I have when I am about to step out of the house.
So bottom line is, I know for a fact that there are people out there, who just like me are hopeless when it comes to being lady like and all that stuff, so to those wonderful human beings, all I want to say is don’t give a damn about what others say no matter who they might be for the world is never ever going to stop judging you and you continue being the awesome soul you are and continue to be messy and un-elegant as you want and don’t worry about not finding Mr. Right just because you think you are faulty for each one of us has someone destined for us and we shall meet them at the right time and place and when we do they shall fall head over heels for us and accept us just the way we are. Until then, be original and simply enjoy life for what it is while ignoring all the pessimism and bullying around you for none of that is worth your time and energy.
Why is that it is always expected of girls to dress to impress? Okay not always, but there are many occasions when I have been faced with such situations which has made me feel very inadequate about myself and my sense of uncoordinated dressing for everyone around me looked like divas right out of a photo shoot for some modelling magazine and there I was, looking like I had just come after a wrestling session with a bunch of rhinos in the wild.
I admit, there are situations when you need to dress appropriately and I guess even I make an effort during such times except that there are many more females like me out there who miserably fail to pull off something with elegance like everyone else and then we just end up making a fool out of ourselves which is why we either avoid the entire event completely or even if we decide to face it, we be ourselves for simply trying to match up to the standards of whatever is going is not our cup of tea at times. And then there are times when we simply cannot look refined in anything because we are blessed with the “clumsy” genes that is never going to leave our side for eternity and the best we can do is try not to speak with our mouths full.
I am a talking-walking example of someone who has a totally different sense of fashion and all that but never actually had the opportunity to dress in the manner I wanted to and then never could pull off something stylish with anything I owned for I was just too clumsy and almost every item of clothing I own happen to have a stain of some sort be it a pen mark or a curry stain but a stain it is and to end this flattering description of myself I would simply like to mention the ever-so-messy and weird hair of mine which obviously looks picture perfect when I am about to sleep and looks like a witch blessed me with the hair I have when I am about to step out of the house.
So bottom line is, I know for a fact that there are people out there, who just like me are hopeless when it comes to being lady like and all that stuff, so to those wonderful human beings, all I want to say is don’t give a damn about what others say no matter who they might be for the world is never ever going to stop judging you and you continue being the awesome soul you are and continue to be messy and un-elegant as you want and don’t worry about not finding Mr. Right just because you think you are faulty for each one of us has someone destined for us and we shall meet them at the right time and place and when we do they shall fall head over heels for us and accept us just the way we are. Until then, be original and simply enjoy life for what it is while ignoring all the pessimism and bullying around you for none of that is worth your time and energy.
Advises.
When you are upset and then people ask whether you are alright and you say yes but then it’s pretty evident that you are not alright from the way your voice croaked when just tried to keep it together and answer calmly. So then they ask again whether you are fine and then you just cannot even attempt to answer because you know that the very next second you do, there will be an onset of a cascade of tears which will be very hard to control. So then you remain silent and they figure out that their suspicion was right. Then comes the tough part because they assume it’s about something that is entirely not related about what is going on in your mind or they ask what is it about and you lie because you don’t want to talk to them about it because they are not the right person to open up to and you cannot give them the silent treatment because you don’t want to be rude. So then they begin to advise you about life and it’s ways and all that, basically they tell you everything you already know and even if the actual problem was what they assumed it to be, they keep saying all the wrong things that is never going to help you out because you think very much differently from them but you cannot ask them to stop because once again you don’t want to be rude and it’s actually not their fault either because they are just trying to help and then it reaches the point where they still keep saying the very same thing you do not want to hear of when you are upset and that infuriates you but you cannot express that because they don’t deserve that. And then there is no polite way to even ask them to shut up and leave you alone so you just have to nod your head and go along with everything they say and then pretend to be happy or positive or whatever. I don’t know about other people but this is what usually happens to me and this is the main reason I always pretend to not be worried about anything because every time someone catches me upset, this is the exact thing that happens. They care for me but they don’t know me so though they are trying to be helpful, the situation just keeps getting worst. All of this happens because each one of us interpret stuff differently so it is pretty tough to try to console or advise someone or to be the one receiving all that advise.
Damailah.
Aku rindu orang-orang tua dalam hidup aku.
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Al-fatihah untuk yang telah lama pergi dan untuk jiwa sendiri.
Memory lane.
I wish memory don't fade overtime. I hate how i kept forgetting about everything and everyone... like they only exist in a faint dream i had. No matter how hard i tried keeping them alive through my memory alone, i know they will fade away, just like how i did. When one day, when i meet all of them, would they forgive me for forgetting ? Would i forgive them for doing the same ? I just want them to know that i tried. I really did.
I’m trying to be perfect. I’m trying to be good. I’m trying to be what you want. I’m trying to be beautiful. I’m trying to fit everyone’s standards. I’m trying to be happy. I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m dying. But you don’t even know. Everyone don't even know.
We always seem to forget that everything is temporary. I mean, yeah okay, it crosses our minds once in a while and we might do something daring and out of our comfort zone but when that moment passes, it gets stored away in the back of our minds and we continue living our lives as if there are plenty of tomorrows waiting for us. We postpone our feelings and words to another day, another week, another month, another year. Everything is temporary. Forever is an empty promise.
Hollow space.
--- tahu apa yang paling menakutkan tentang perihal berdua ?
--- yang ketiga ?
--- bukan. yang enggan menerima.
Analogy.
Akan ada satu masa, kau mahu bercerita. Tapi tak terluah pada sesiapa atau apa-apa. Dan kau hanya menulis dalam kias yang berjuta.
Invisible.
Maybe this ain't love but darling, just stay with me. For a moment. Let me understand more of your flaws and more of your beauty and you'll do the same so stay with me.
Entri positif.
Ajar diri untuk Husnudzon. Berbaik sangkalah kepada Allah. Allah tak turunkan hujan kalau bukan sebab Dia nak anugerahkan pelangi yang indah. :)
